In a command and control hierarchy, you can be a jerk. After all, the very nature of the structure requires that people respect the hierarchy in order to keep their jobs. However, the world has changed. The digital world is a connect and collaborate model--which requires a different game plan.
In a connect and collaborate world, one of your most important assets is likeability.
As I've watched the tabloids play out the Jon and Kate drama over the past few weeks, the tide has shifted from Jon as "Bad Dad" to Kate as "Monster." How did that happen?
Likeability isn't about being nice. It is about being relatable. I wonder if Kate had simply broken down and cried on Larry King, if the public wouldn't have "liked" her. A betrayed wife grieving? We can relate to that. A perfect woman who has everything together? We can't.
I talked with a friend about the formula for likeability yesterday. I think it is likeability = empathy + accessibility + vulnerability.
Breaking down the formula...
Empathy - Genuine care for others success. There is nothing more attractive than knowning someone who "gets" you wants to help you.
Accessibility - Busy-ness is often used to generate a sense of importance. This does nothing to attract. People don't want to have to scale another wall be it social strata or scheduling. They are drawn to the path through.
Vulnerability - Vulnerability gives people power to hurt you but it is also the key to deep connection. With that said, don't mistake vulnerability for weakness. Vulnerability is about openness.
In the world we live in it is a far more important formula than polished + perfect = professional. Note that in both formulas being competent is your entry card to even get to play the game.
In a connect and collaborate world people have to like you to want to do business with you. When it hits critical mass, the command/control jerks are going to be sitting at their desks wondering what the heck happened.
© Cathy Hutchison 2009
1 comments:
Greetings from a random Hutchison (via a too-long-to-relate list of twitter accounts!)
When I first saw the John & Kate + accessories show, my expectation was that we'd see how they managed to create a support structure from friends, relatives, even (using the income from the incredibly invasive TV show) possibly by hiring someone to help with the chores and drudgery.
What I saw was two people who were both very childish, acting out roles that they weren't really prepared for.
I saw toxic passive-aggression from John, and I saw Kate replying by turning into a shrew (aptly named then)... At no point, even in their "alone time" did I see the body language of affection, of genuine caring for one another, of simple pleasure in the presence of their partner nor their children.
I suspect that if it weren't for this television show and the money they were able to get from it, they would have been split up within the first year.
The tragedy is that their kids got the short end of things, and that they will continue to do so. Unless, somehow, any income they get from their continued exhibitionism of their lives and their children's lives is tied up in trust for the kids.
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